Motivation and Anxiety

Motivation isn't my strong suite. I have multiple steps I take until I feel prepared to complete a task, and even then it doesn't always get done.

This isn't something I accept willingly as a personality characteristic. I fight this one pretty hard. I think there is a difference between the way we were "trained" and the way we actually are. I am not lazy. I am dedicated, willing, and ambitious. However, I think over my lifespan I have fallen short of representing this.

I know what I am capable of, but sometimes I have to look real deep for motivation.
It doesn't come as easy when I'm often riddled with anxiety, and look in every direction for distractions. But I can't use that as an excuse.

Anxiety is something I suffer from. It's something I've dealt with for a long time, and not even known. It wasn't until more recent that I really discovered it.
Anxiety is something everyone faces at some point. We get worried about things, we get stressed.
But when you have anxiety all the time, you constantly over-think. You are focused on so many things at once, and feel kind of suffocated by your thoughts. Then you explode, panic washes over you and suddenly all the oxygen in your lungs gets sucked out.

But I can't be defined by my anxiety. I can't let it rule me. Anxiety doesn't run my life, I do.

I like distractions. Writing helps. It helps me a lot. It allows me to put my feelings into words. It's a productive way of distracting myself. It's honestly very cathartic for me. I can put my whatever I'm upset about on paper. The paper takes the weight.

-I'm Working on Motivation